Friday, September 21, 2012

We Are In Control Now


Hello... This is the Central Scruuuuuuuuuutinizer.

It is my responsibility to enforce all the laws that have been passed by our corporate overlords. It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential consequences of various ordinary everyday activities you might be performing which could eventually lead to *The Death Penalty* (or affect your parents' credit rating). Our criminal institutions are full of little creeps like you who do wrong things... and many of them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC! 

Our story begins with a young man named Jason. It seems that while most of his friends were attending CSO-sponsored youth social events, Jason was heavily involved with the unapproved cyber-social criminal organization commonly referred to as TEH DEMONOIDS.

That was Jason's first confrontation with The Law. Naturally, we were easy on him. One of our friendly counselors gave him a do-nut and told him to stick closer to church-oriented social activities.

The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it...

Oh, hi, it's me again: The Central Scruuuuuuuuuutinizer. Okay, so... It seems that Jason did not heed our friendly warnings and continued to utilize TEH DEMONOIDS for his own nefarious purposes. When questioned, he would only mumble unintelligibly about out-of-print 24-bit Blue Note releases.

Clearly the Communists had already gotten to him, and so for the good of society, we shut TEH DEMONOIDS down once and for all. We also tried to abduct his girlfriend Francesca, but she was not at her weekly social club meeting the night we went looking for her.  It turned out, she was sucking cock backstage at The Armory in order to get a pass to see some big rock group for free...

Jason says Francesca has messed his mind up, but, was it the girl or was it THE MUSIC? As you can see...girls, music, disease, heartbreak... they all go together... Jason found out the hard way, but his troubles were just beginning... His mind was so messed up... He could hardly do nothin'... He was in a quandary... Being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming desires... The guy was a wreck... So... What does he do? For once, he does something SMART... He tells his blog readers that without TEH DEMONOIDS, he can't finish his new 5 disc set The Best of Chillout (1967-69).

The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only... If yah gotta load, or if yah gotta unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it... It's a way of life. That's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life, that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life, you'll love it.

Hello there: This is the Central Scruuuuuuuuuutinizer... Jason was sent to a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from the music business... You know... The ones who get caught... It's a horrible place, painted all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other with Telefunken U-47s.